Chocolate Milk

My interview with Jane B.   When she greets me at the door it’s 7 pm and dark outside, since it’s December. I come inside to the warmth of the fireplace and the TV on to mute. It’s become a way of life. Having the TV on as a constant companion. In her waking hours… Read More »


Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has come and gone and yet I’m still tired. It was a low-key day with only 6 of us this year. I still made the same amount of food. I’m not sure why. I still put in the same amount of work no matter what the number. And I still feel as if there… Read More »


Laughter

  There’s a time in everyone’s life, where there’s a breaking point. A sink or swim moment. I’ve had lots of those in my life but not necessarily in regards to my current situation as a besieged widow. For that, I’ve had nothing that even remotely resembles a quick and decisive ah-ha moment. In… Read More »


Closing Doors

There are many things in life that when they are over, they are just over. Wes used to always say “Good night Irene,” whenever that was the case. Mostly, it was when the Redskins were playing and there was no way they were going to win. I, on the other hand, always held out hope,… Read More »


The End of the Dance

It is my turn to take care of Daddy this Sunday. We have to be there essentially all day now. I come at 10 am and Daddy is up, and in the kitchen when I walk in and yell to him that I am there.   He is terse. It hits me right when I walk… Read More »


Dreamin’

I had a dream about Wes the other night. He came for a visit. When that happens, it carries me through for weeks as if he really came to visit me. It’s what it feels like anyway. As if we’ve had a special day or evening. These particular dreams are real and they are… Read More »


The Power of Yes

When we go through loss, we are often confronted with the period of time where we are acutely aware that we are just existing. Not living, but just simply surviving. There is a period of time where it is all we can do to just survive and exist, but when the partial fog clears and you… Read More »


If Only

If only, I didn’t have the addictive gene. If only, my personality didn’t change because of the addiction. If only, my body didn’t crave all the things that are bad for me. I wish there was a pill I could take to make me better and make this all go away. I would stop, I… Read More »


Happy Birthday

This is a tough week for us to be sure. Wes’ birthday is today and of course, Father’s Day is on Sunday. Both events fall in the same week. Every year. Imagine that. I look to this week with a lot of nostalgia, but more with anticipation for the onslaught of anxiety that is always… Read More »


Growth

As I have been forced to contemplate loss and grief on a level that I didn’t want to and certainly didn’t ask for, I’ve also been forced to contemplate moving on and everything that it means to me and for others. As we all experience loss in our lives, we have to navigate a path… Read More »