Growth

As I have been forced to contemplate loss and grief on a level that I didn’t want to and certainly didn’t ask for, I’ve also been forced to contemplate moving on and everything that it means to me and for others. As we all experience loss in our lives, we have to navigate a path… Read More »


Getting Up

As I have struggled to move on since Wes passed away, at the same time, there has been an inherent need to stay in the same place. Staying static became the norm, and became a comfortable place for me to reside. It isn’t easy to move on from loss – for so many reasons, but… Read More »


The Green Jacket

The weekend before Memorial Day is always slated for The Greater Goon Open golf tournament.  What are Goons, you ask? Good question and a very long story, but in a nutshell, it is a group of guys that have all been best friends since the dawn of time.  These guys have been together, many since… Read More »


The Full Monty

When you lose your loved one, or your most important person, it is like being fully exposed.  Truly exposed.  For me, it’s felt like the Full Monty.  And it makes no difference how many coats, sweaters, scarves, hats, or gloves that you have on.  You still feel uncovered and unsafe, and totally, totally unprotected.  Along… Read More »


Wishful Thinking

I started a journal when Wes got sick and continued writing in it for three years after he died.  I had a lot to say.  I’ve had a lot of sadness.  It is without a doubt, my rawest emotions put on paper.  When I go back and reread it, my heart breaks all over again.… Read More »


Losing Faith

When we learned of Wes’ diagnosis and his prognosis, my faith kicked into overdrive.  God and faith have always been the bedrock of my life – always.  And of course, Wes, because he was the person I trusted the most.  My Mother died when I was nineteen, and it was my faith that truly got… Read More »


Rudderless

The foreverness of loss continues to hit you again and again.  As I would go through the days right after Wes died, I remember thinking that grief weighs 1000 pounds.  My mornings would be gauged by how heavy the grief was upon waking.  Some days I shed some of those pounds, but only briefly.  Some… Read More »


Guilt – it’s the bestie of grief.

Wes had cancer.  And not a straight forward cancer either.  It was messy, in fact.  Duodenal cancer involving the mesentery artery.  Not clear-cut, and aggressive.  The news no one wants to hear:  20-40% chance.  In my case,  the loss of hope always screamed louder to me than the word cancer.  But in spite of it all,… Read More »


It’s a long road, Baby.

I’ve been a widow for a little over 4 years now.  It’s a long road Baby.  There were times that I didn’t think I could, or even would pick myself up off the floor, as I writhed, crawled, stayed in a fetal mode, sobbed, wailed, yelled and inextricably exhausted myself in the days, weeks and… Read More »


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